Assumptions
by sashadawn
Summary: Judy finds out Nick was a bigger hustler than she thought.


**Warnings: Unbeta'd fluff. :D**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

"Carrots," Nick tilted the phone away from his mouth, "how would you like your carrots?"

Lowering his gaze to look over the comically ill-fitting glasses left behind from Judy's grandparents' last visit, he continued in his fairly impressive English accent, "Fancy you the tried and true honey-glazed, or shall you twist your knickers with the spiced cayenne?"

Judy couldn't bear to watch his animated expressions anymore without dissolving into a fit of giggles, "Hon-honey glazed!"

Sneaking another look at his face through her paw, he immediately exaggerated his snooty expression. "Honey-glaze for this one, my good sir...a quarter on the clock then...Oh splendid, a fine bloke you are."

Tossing a pillow at his head, she whispered loudly between laughter, "You dumb fox!"

"A good day to you as well, lad." Tapping his phone to end the call, he turned his chair around to see himself in Judy's vanity mirror, and continued admiring his newly bespectacled self.

"My, my. A devilishly handsome fellow, indeed." He twisted his whiskers upwards, "Mm, yes. Oh, there it is."

Spinning his chair around to face Judy, he turned his nose up, as one ear perked, "Oh heavens, was that a little bunny snort I heard?"

"Ah! Aha! Stop it! I can't-I can't breath! Haha, ah crikey!" Rolling over on her bed, she snorted again at her own attempt at an English accent.

The fox shook his head, "Ooh, you cute little bunny bumpkin... _not_ the same country." Tossing the glasses on her desk, he tsked at her and leaned closer to tap her nose, "So adorable."

Swatting his paw away she rolled her eyes playfully, "Oh, listen to you Mr. City Slicker, you can make a _pawpsicle_ ," she emphasized with air quotes, "but I bet you couldn't even grow a carrot!"

He chuckled, "Oh right Fluff, like it takes a genius to grow a carrot tree."

Trying to stifle a laugh, her nose began to twitch furiously. She tapped her furry chin, looking up at the ceiling. "Hm..actually it would! Since, oh, you know, carrot trees don't exist since they ah, grow in the _grooound_." She tsked, hopping up from the bed, "Ah. Adorable," smirking at him, she tapped his nose with her finger but jerked away when Nick snapped his jaws at it.

She lifted her eyebrows, and put her paws on her hips. _"Well._ If that's how you want to play."

Without warning she jumped onto the fox, knocking the chair down beneath them, and dug her fingers in his ribs.

The scream Nick let out had her laughing too hard to continue her conquest, so she flopped over on her back, wracked with giggles once more.

"Nicholas Wilde," she gasped, trying to catch her breath, "you scream like a baby bun-"

A pillow flying into her face cut off her words.

"Bunny, I will pick you up by those cute little ears and drop you out of this window if you ever touch my ribs again." Uncurling himself, he scooted closer to her and began to pluck the feathers from her face. Or rather, arrange them into bushy eyebrows on her face.

Plopping a paw down on his muzzle, she turned her head and smiled at his playful glare, "How about a movie?"

 _-Later, at Buckbuster...-_

"Maybe we could rent a good western or something?"

"Mm," Nick tossed a case back on the shelf, "pretty sure there is no such thing."

"Oh, I'll make a country boy out of you yet." Judy grinned and skipped past him, swatting his hind end with her paw.

"Ooh, I _like_ it when you're frisky." Nick's silky tail curled up and lifted her chin. "How about a friendly game of air hockey? Winner gets flick pick." He nodded his head toward the small arcade room. "Loser buys," he whispered, grinning wickedly.

Judy smiled, games were anything but friendly between her and Nick. Judy's competitive nature and Nick's cockiness usually made for a very, very long and exhausting battle. But, totally worth it.

"You're on, darlin'."

- _Forty-five minutes and eighteen dollars later-_

Judy trudged into her apartment, the fox following suit, looking far more satisfied than the former.

"Those tables were made for taller mammals, that is all."

"Oh come on, Fluff, I'm what, one bunny ear taller than you? I even took one to the teeth. Maybe you can redeem yourself next weekend, yeah? I'll go easy on you."

She winced, "Oh, Nick, is your lip still bleeding? Let me see," she began to reach her paws toward his muzzle, but he swatted her away.

"Oh please, it's fine, it's not a real game till someone's bleeding, right?" He grinned, but wiped at his teeth as he plopped down on her bed. "Bust out that popcorn, Fluff. Pringle?" He asked, offering the can to her.

She grimaced, "Salt and vinegar? Eh, no thanks."

He shrugged, popping in a chip in his mouth, "So, why watch the - _ow,"_ he winced, touching his lip, "why watch the tube on a cracker jack box like this when you're rakin' in that big city cop check? How old is this thing anyway? Let's go pick you out a flat screen."

"Oh, maybe someday. I'm more of a saver then a spender, actually." She shrugged, a bit sheepish. She knew her modest apartment didn't offer much for entertaining.

Picking at his teeth, he nodded, "Mm, smart bunny."

She seated herself next to him, and arranged some pillows behind them. "Well...how big is _your_ tv?" She asked, fiddling with the remote.

"Hey, honestly, projectors are the way to go if you wanna get serious about it."

"Projectors? ...Is that what you have? Wait, don't you..." She turned suddenly to face him better, "Don't you have to have a huge screen thing for that? How would you have room for that?"

She knew the shocking cost of housing in central Zootopia and she had assumed Nick likely couldn't have afforded a place _that_ much bigger than hers. After all, he did just hustle pawpsicles and rip off the occasional crime boss, right?

Nick opened and closed his mouth, "Ah, yeah, it's-uh," he waved his hands dismissively, "there's...there's a little more room, sure." He nodded, seeming to be satisfied with his response, but Judy heard that uncharacteristic stutter and it had her sitting bolt upright in her seat with her ears perked forward. Something was up.

Sliding further down the pillows, he looked at her sideways, "Jeez, rabbit, dial back that ear meter, don't want you pullin' a muscle, the movie's starting."

 _Ah, no. Nope._ She pressed on, "Well, what _is_ your place like, anyway? How big is it? Is it a two-room? You've never even invited me over. I'd kinda like to see this projector setup, Mr. Hotshot." She smirked, crossing her arms.

"You're getting too good at that smirk-face. I may actually have to take legal action over it. It's kind of trademarked already, you know." He plucked the remote from her paw and turned the volume up. She noticed his tail was twitching. _Huh._

Snatching the remote back, she hit the pause button, "You didn't answer my question."

"Question _-s_. You asked like, three. You're not a detective yet, you know, interrogating is out of your jurisdiction."

She glared.

"Okay, okay," he scratched the back of his neck, "yeah, I mean, I can stretch my legs out, anyway."

She rolled her eyes, "You're still not inviting me over, are you? I thought we were better friends than this, Nick." _Bait. Cheap. Oh, well._ She turned away, crossing her arms.

"Hey, of course I'll invite you over _sometime_ , it's - it's kind of a mess right now, you know? It's embarrassing, I don't want you thinking I'm some lazy schmuck ."

She bit her lip, "Mm...that's a fair point. I suppose I'll take it since I've seen your truck."

"Fair enough. Now, hush and throw a popcorn at me." He scrambled to face her and opened his mouth wide.

She chuckled and reached into the bowl.

 _"If you don't catch it, you better pick it up or you'll feed the roaches!"_

 _"The meter maid never has any company, leave her alone!"_

 _"Shut up!"_

 _"You shut up!"_

Judy pulled her ears down while they stared at the wall in silence.

"My walls don't talk either."

For the duration of the cheesy thriller Nick had insisted on, her mind was elsewhere.

Why was he so uncomfortable with the topic of his place? Did he even _have_ a place? What if he was living under that bridge where she tracked him down all those months ago? What if he's living out of Finnick's van? But...a projector? It didn't make any sense.

Oh, sweet cheese and _crackers,_ what if he's squatting in some abandoned movie theater?

Her eyes widened as her thoughts raced. Did he really need help? What kind of friend _is_ she? How could she never have realized this?

She knew her thought train was derailing so she forced her mind to quiet down and decided that, then and there, she would find out. Nick was her best friend, she loved him dearly, and if he was too ashamed to ask her for help, she was determined to take care of it.

She'd follow him home. Wherever his home was. She needed to found out. Not only for her, but for him as well.

 _-Later, that same evening-_

She had to have lost him somewhere, _this_ could _not_ be it. Cloaked behind a hedge of bushes, she stepped up higher onto a sturdy branch and parted the foliage further.

But, he pulled into _this_ driveway. Maybe he's visiting someone, that had to be it. She'd never really seen a house like it before. Was this what they called a mansion? There were so many windows!

Her eyes wandered. _"Wow..."_ she whispered. The large swimming pool drew her attention immediately. Awed, she shook her head. A slide spiraled down into the pleasantly turquoise water. Lights of various colors and shapes were twined around lantern posts that surrounded the pool area. It was gorgeous.

However, one thing could not be ignored.

The _mess_.

Toilet paper was strewn over a good portion of the house, and she even spotted graffiti on various parts of the siding.

A dented garage door hung partially open, revealing a red convertible parked inside. There appeared to be white writing on the rear window. Curious, she leaned forward, squinting. She mentally scolded herself for the wave of jealousy that flared in her gut. _"I love you Nick.."_ Her mouth hung open. No way. It had to be a coincidence. She knew his vehicle, he drove that small, red pickup to work every day.

She returned her gaze to the pool once more. Rafts and water toys were everywhere, and what appeared to be a volleyball net was sunk down into the water. Bottles were lying all over, towels and clothes were strewn about, and was that a ... _raccoon?_

She ducked down quickly upon hearing a startlingly deep voice shouting, "Whatever man, Ciao."

A small, beige fox appeared, tossing his phone on a lawn chair and kicking a bottle into the pool while doing a double take at the unconscious racoon.

Finnick.

Another voice drew her attention. "I bet you can't say pigsty anymore, is it offensive?"

 _Nick._

She cringed as he nearly stepped on the sleeping mammal, but smoothly dodged him. Looking back once more, he asked, "Who is that?"

Finnick turned suddenly and scowled at him, "I thought you knew him!"

He clicked his tongue, "Ah, no."

"Well, wake 'im up, _fool!_ This ain't no bed and breakfast," he spat, muttering curses that made Judy's ears sting as he tripped over a pool toy.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? What would she say about this place anyway? Seriously, it's a disaster." He began to pick up a towel, but paused and held up a finger, "Which reminds me, we really do need to get this under better management because I have a friend just dying to come visit."

She gaped. It appeared she had indeed found Nick's home.

Finnick chuckled and shook his head. "Dude, that bunny gotch'u whipped good."

Rolling his eyes, Nick wrinkled his nose and gingerly picked up an old ice cream container. "Gross."

The smaller fox had an uncharacteristically soft smile on his face. "She a good girl, though."

Nick lifted his eyebrows, returning the smile and glanced at his friend. "Yes. Yes, she is."

Judy's mouth hung open and she laid a paw over her chest, slightly taken aback by the compliments.

Sighing, she shook her head, "Well, he was truthful about one thing," she whispered, "it is most definitely a mess."

Feeling foolish for her earlier worries regarding Nick's living situation, she decided it was time to return to her own home. Determined to think no more thoughts regarding who wrote on that stupid red car, she carefully began to let herself down.

Nick's voice drew her attention again, "Actually," he pulled his phone from his pocket, "I should probably call her to let her know I'll be cleaning this apocalyptic dump, indefinitely." He began to tap on the phone screen.

 _Oh! No! No, no, no, no!_

She frantically began to fumble for her phone, but the blaring ring tone let her know it was too late.

Both foxes turned abruptly.

Cringing, she finally reached her phone and roughly hit _reject_ many more times than necessary. Slapping a paw on her face, she lifted her head again.

"No _way_." Nick had began to step closer to the hedge, _"Judy?"_

Her friend gaped as he caught sight of the bunny in question scrambling between the bushes.

"You have got to be kidding. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen."

Judy didn't believe there had ever been a more mortifying moment in her life.

She forced her paw away from her face. He was doubled over, laughter shaking his slender frame, as he tried to make his way toward her. "I never took you for the peeping Tom type, Carrots."

She trudged her way out the the hedge, abashed. "I-I had to find out why you were so reluctant to talk about your home, it-it had me _worried_ , alright? But now, I can see there is nothing to be worried about and-and I'll be on my way," jerking a paw toward the hedge, she turned to leave, "Okay. Goodbye."

Nick frowned and quickly jogged closer, dropping an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, hey," he gently steered her back toward the house, "I'm sorry, I was just...surprised, alright?" He chuckled, "It was considerate of you to be concerned..." He tilted her chin up with his paw, "You've already seen the mess, why not stay for a bit?"

Defeated, she slumped against him. "I'm never living this down, am I?" She mumbled against his soft fur.

Petting her drooping ears, he smiled. _"Never._ I kind of always wanted a stalker, honestly."

She groaned. The previous panic had left her a bit frazzled, but as she could feel her mental clarity returning, the obvious question rang in her mind again.

"How is this your _house_?"

"Ha _ha_." She jumped slightly. In her brain fog, she had nearly forgotten Finnick was there. "Best con Copper ever came up with, bunny."

Judy balked, slowly stepping out of Nick's embrace. "Wait...what? Nick! You-you conned someone out of their _house?!_ "

He held his paws up, "They had more houses and condos than anyone could ever need. I doubt they even missed it."

"Oh, _Nick!_ How...how did you even _do_ that?" He deflated at her appalled expression.

At least he had the grace to act sheepish. Scratching the back of his neck, "Well, there's some, ah, loopholes in the whole property tax thing, and, uh, well I may have gotten a hold of a pretty legit looking CPA certification...they, uh, you know, are supposed to take care of the taxes and such so no one loses, um, property and things like that..."

"Yes, I _know_ what a CPA does. Oh my _gosh_. Nick, that's _horrible!_ " She paced across the pavement, tossing her paws up, "That's just...ruthless! I...How did you even get by with that, did they not try to sue you?"

"They did, yes. Yes, they did..."

 _"...And?"_

"And...turns out, Finnick can be a pretty convincing lawyer when he wants to be...or not at all. Whatever the case may be. Right, big guy?" He grinned, leaning down with his paws on his knees.

Judy couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Don't tell me you have a law degree?" She laughed incredulously, looking toward Finnick.

He barked a laugh, "Nah, but turns out, a lil' fennec from the Sahara did. Got a goood winnin' record, too. Well _...did,"_ he chuckled.

Judy clapped her paws over her ears, " _Ooh,_ no. Noooo, _no!_ You stole someone's identity, _too?_ Oh...oh, gosh..." She squeezed her eyes shut and slid her paws down to tug her ears, before throwing them back up again, "You-you must've ruined that poor fox's career!"

Nick looked helplessly at Finnick. It was true, really. Probably not the _most_ ruthless scheme he'd done, but certainly at the top of the list.

"Whatch'ou think lil' bunny, we makin' it offa' just _pawpsicle_ hustles? If' _at_ hurt yo' feelin's, you in for some b-"

Nick clapped his paws together, "Oookay! I am _starving_ , how-"

"That _con_ smile. Off. Your. Face _...Now."_ Judy growled.

Finnick bent over, laughing and wheezing, "She right, Nick, nice try, but she mad, dude!" He coughed.

Nick rolled his eyes, "Don't hurt yourself, old man. It's nothing a good joke can't fix, am I right?" He shoved Finnick on the arm, nearly knocking him over. She believed he was only spared a vicious attack from the little fox only because of the obscene rap music ringtone blaring from his phone.

"Okay, here's a good one, why did the can crusher quit his job?"

Judy huffed.

"Cause it was _so_ da _press_ ing!" Guffawing, he elbowed her in the ribs.

When she didn't respond, he waved his paws, "Wait, wait, this one's better-what does a pepper do when it gets angry?" He stared at her expectantly.

"It gets _jalapeño_ face!"

She glared.

He sighed, eyes widening as his ears folded back.

Judy would never tell anyone she loved it when he looked like that. Nick Wilde, this charming, sarcastic fox, oozing witty arrogance and snark, was so softened and disarmed into this kitlike sweetness with that deceptive expression of innocence.

She was smiling.

 _Crap._ She mentally shook herself and cursed her short attention span. She inhaled deeply, but caught that look of knowing on his face. Too late. The jerk even had the nerve to play it up a notch. Curling his paws up to his chest, his eyes dilated and lips and brows drooped, even his fluffy tail was between his legs, somehow it even looked sad all on its own.

"Uuuungh!" Judy groaned, smacking her palm against her face, "You're gonna be the death of me."

"I know, right? These lost puppy eyes are known to drop'em dead in their tracks, sweetheart."

Finnick shoved a paw over his free ear, straining to hear his phone, "What, man? Copper and Carrots talkin' bout somethin stupid, hang on." Scowling, he made his way around the pool, delivering a kick to the racoon's hind end, he turned to Nick and jerked a finger toward the mammal before stomping back inside.

She pointed toward the smaller fox's direction, "Copper?...And He calls me Carrots, too?"

"Ah, only if I allow it."

"Yeah, I can certainly see you wear the pants around here." She quipped.

"Mm, wouldn't you like to know." He said, with a suggestive wink.

She cracked a smile and sighed. "Okay...I will no longer question your illicit acquisition of this ridiculous house...on one condition." She begrudgingly pulled an item out her bag.

Nick grinned, "O.M _.G._ Pranceformers on Blu-ray."

He held out his elbow, "Allow me to escort you to the theater room, madam."

 **Is that scheme even possible? I don't know. The little I know of property tax tells me maybe...**

 **So it's just a goofy one-shot, but everyone loves reviews. Come oooooooon. :D**


End file.
